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Source: Clearly Caring Magazine, Nov/Dec 2006, Vol. 26, No. 6
QUESTION: Our elderly neighbors have lived next door to us for ten years. Last week the husband died, and his widow is rather lonely. What suggestions can you share to help her get through her grief?
ANSWER: Compassionate people see suffering and want to take it away. The truth is that you cannot remove her suffering, but you can help her through the grieving process.
God’s Word tells us that suffering is a part of living in a sinful world (Romans 8:22; Acts 14:22). We know that suffering can serve as a means to strengthen faith (Romans 5:3). We also know that suffering can be an outlet for a Christian to demonstrate faith (Luke 10:33).
Here are some tips to guide you in helping your neighbor:- Pray for her continually.
Pray that she leans on her Savior for true comfort. Pray that you are able to help her when necessary. Pray that the Holy Spirit provides the spiritual strength to deal with each new challenge.
Offer to help her in specific ways. People commonly say, “If there is anything I can do, just ask.” The problem with that statement is that an additional burden is placed on the grieving spouse who is now required to ask for help. It is better to provide a specific offer such as mowing the grass for the summer, making a meal once a week, or assisting with household chores that require the lifting of heavy objects.
Be a willing and patient listener. At times, she may simply want a listening ear to recall a favorite memory. Feel free to share your own wonderful memories.
Don’t feel pressured to find the right words to comfort her. You won’t find words to remove her grief. Too many people avoid conversations for fear of not knowing what to say. That attitude leads the survivor to feel even greater loneliness.
Allow her to grieve in her own way. In spite of her grief, she will have days of happiness, and even after many months, she will still have days of sadness.
Record the date of her husband’s death, as well as other important milestones such as his birthday or their anniversary. Provide notes or cards on the anniversaries of those days. Write a simple note that says you remember him and are thinking of her.
Use the situation to offer a Christian witness. Let her know that you are praying for her. Share a favorite Bible passage of comfort. Knowing her spiritual background will help you customize your efforts.
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