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Where Did the Time Go? - A Look at Family Caregiving
Tim Snyder, CLR Director of Media Servics and R&DClearly Caring Magazine, 2nd Quarter 2009, Vol. 29, No. 2
This question might be triggered by a baby picture of our 11-year-old daughter or the news that an eighth-grade nephew is now as tall as I am. Most recently it was a look at my father’s hands. They are unmistakably the hands of a 74-year-old man. I found myself 40 years back in time when his big strong hand could envelope my small one in a most loving and reassuring way.
The same things that trigger reminiscences also cause us to ponder the future. Mom and Dad have both been blessed with good health, but for how long? Moses’ words from Psalm 90 come to mind: “The length of our days is seventy years — or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.” (verse 10)
A reality of our sin-filled existence is that our parents will almost certainly face health issues that go hand-in-hand with the aging process. The time may come when I will be called upon to take my father’s hands in a loving and reassuring way. I pray my hands will prove big and strong enough for the task.
Caring for an aging loved one is a daunting task. What starts as a part-time job requiring only a few hours each week can grow into a 24/7 time commitment. We want to “repay” our parents and, inspired by the loving sacrifices they made for us, approach the job with best intentions. However, our initial resolve can soon soften and crumble against the onslaught of a calendar that demands more hours than each day provides. Hopeless and helpless, the caregiver drowns in a sea of guilt.
There is help and hope for the caregiver. Observe this scene of a son’s love for his mother:
“Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Dear woman, here is your son,’ and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” (John 19:25-27)
The others standing there must have averted their eyes at this most tender and intimate display of unconditional love. Who but the very Son of God could exhibit such love even as He hung from that tree of shame?
Right about now you’re thinking, “I could never live up to this. Jesus is the sinless Son of God and I’m a sinner. Things are hopeless!” We miss the point if we see Jesus as a mere example to follow.
Jesus provides hope for the sinner. On that tree of shame Jesus paid for all sins, including our failings as caregivers. I can lay my sins of selfishness, callousness and thoughtlessness at the cross knowing “that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.” (2 Corinthians 5:19)
Jesus provides help for the sinner. Good and noble intentions are not enough. God’s amazing love for me provides the motive and the power. His love rules me absolutely because “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)
God provides for all our needs, including those we experience as caregivers. The Apostle Paul reminds us: “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)
Consider the following:
- Share in the care of your aging parents.
- Ask family members to contribute with their time and talents.
- Share the culture of caring with your children. You miss a wonderful training opportunity if you exclude them. Teach by example and give them care giving roles consistent with their ability and maturity level.
- Seek outside help when necessary. A visiting nurse could be the answer when caregiving requirements exceed your abilities.
- Prayerfully consider the option of assisted living or a nursing home when faced with the reality that home care is no longer an option. Even then you will continue to be involved in their care and serve as a loving advocate on their behalf.
For those serving as a primary caregiver, God can still use you as a blessing to those who are caregivers:
- Provide spiritual and physical support if you have a relative or friend who serves as a primary caregiver.
- Consider substituting as a caregiver. Give a friend or family member a day off. This small gesture of relief may mean more than you’ll ever know.
- Be there for the caregiver. Even if it’s just as a fellow-Christian providing a sympathetic ear.
- Pray for those who serve as caregivers.
Where did the time go? I don’t know the answer, but we can use our remaining time to love and care for each other as we anticipate the day when there will be no more sickness, sorrow or tears and God’s love rules in our hearts perfectly.
http://www.clearlycaring.com
http://www.christianliferesources.com/?library/view.php&articleid=1298
http://www.christianliferesources.com/?library/view.php&articleid=1258
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